Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
