Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize