hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize