1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
