Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
