i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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