Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I am one with the molecules
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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