are you still at the devil's house?
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize