I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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