Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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