You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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