Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
how drunk are you?
Several
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
