he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
