In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize