How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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