I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
