I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my vag is so smooth its legendary
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize