barbara walters just said penis...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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