Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
