is your mom at the bar?
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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