Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
