if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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