Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
