Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
