it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize