Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize