I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
