Jerry, you need to find god
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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