Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
