I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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