If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
