Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
