Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
