and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Randomize
