My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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