How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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