Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(718): View more from New York

I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits

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(678): View more from Georgia

Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.

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(303): View more from Colorado

other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do

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(816): View more from Missouri

After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.

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(708): View more from Illinois

Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.

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(224): View more from Illinois

She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would

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