Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
