Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
