Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Why can't burritos get me drunk
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize