I got chris browned last night
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
