he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
