And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
