It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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