My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
