My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I fill condoms, not promises.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
