I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
