mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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