i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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