I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
