Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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