i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
