New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
