is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
