He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
