Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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