I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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