I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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