Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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