Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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