Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
