tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
