We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize