so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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