i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
