I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
