found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
