Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
