Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
